Did I ever say an engagement was an elephant, madam?

Went shopping in Amsterdam yesterday and museum-roaming in The Hague for a bit today. All lovely, don't get me wrong, but what I really fancy right now is some time on my own and a chance to think about important things for a bit. I don't think my family really grasps that right now. Mind you, I'm not that much fun to live with at the moment. I keep having these horrid mood swings. I'm panicky and sad all the time and every time I forget about everything for a bit my knee starts playing up again and I'm reminded of the way things are, and will be for quite a while. Also, EVERYTHING annoys me. God, I must be such a nightmare to live with at the moment.

As for other news, I have started working on my List of Great Novels. Just finished Catcher in the Rye (interesting indeed) and now going to bed with some George Orwell. I do miss my Victorian lit a bit already though. Keeping my collection of Sherlock Holmes short stories on my bedside table, just in case.

Also, still no news about my dissertation. Pff.

The end of Leonie the student.. for now haha!

Had loads of bad luck with printing accounts and everything today, but I MADE IT!!!!!!!!!!!

Two copies, and an electronic one just sent...... time to go and enjoy my last five days in Manchester yaaaaaaaaaaay!

Honestly.

Dissertation Schmissertation. I want my cider in the sun.

I'm gutted I've still not seen Matt! I've hardly been home, and today I've even left my phone there so I can't text him to ask how his first day went. He left me a really sweet note in the mailbox when he came round the other day though, which I didn't find until the next morning.

Sarah is a star, helping me out with my big D! Yesterday we went through it for ages and then we had Ben&Jerries and watched a Doctor Who off one of my spanking new dvds I'm not allowed to touch until after hand in. I really want to ask both her and Matt to come join Helle, Anders and myself for dinner on Thursday, hope Helle's alright with that.

I am impressed with my exploring skills. After failing to find them in my first 11 months in Manchester, I find both the Library café and the 24 hours computer cluster (the OP one has been closed for weeks) in a single week. Seeing as the library's only open till 7 these days, (and closed on Sundays. Thanks for being considerate to your MA students, Manchester uni!) I'm probably going to spend quite a lot of time in here the next few evenings. It's a bit of a dump though. I'm considering taking a bulk of food with me on Tuesday night, work on my Doctors until I die of exhaustion and then bring the printed version with me to the binding service first thing on Wednesday. Probably better to have the final product ready on Tuesday night though, and make the last alterations before the binding place closes at 4.30 on Wednesday.

I found another key article this morning, and though it's taken quite a lot of effort to incomporate this one, as well as the other one I found the other day into my argument, I now see it's definitely been worth it.

Roll on Wednesday!

My power cord died yesterday. Panicked all night, slept badly.. decided to a find a uni computer cluster that would be open all day Saturday, but ended up cycling to Stockport instead to get a new charger. I could ave used Sarah's laptop all week, but its keys are all weird and annoying, and so is her new version of Word, I can't find anything.

Matthew's coming back today, yaay! I hope he won't mind waiting till Thursday before I give him all his stuff back (he can have his duvet because I'm in a good mood). Hmm, not sure what he's going to say about the state of this place. I know it's my room now but I still feel bad for having turned in into a pigsty.

Not allowed to spend any time on anything but the big D though... Rewriting my intro with J-M's instructions today, and hopefully get to the conclusion before tonight.

I love my random way of writing: I've only just formulated my thesis, and I found the key article to chapter three yesterday, by accident. I would say I love it when a plan comes together, but it's not so much a plan as a lot of chaotic effort and a tad of good luck.

Oh, mof, I've finally posted your charger as well, sorry it took so long!

Maybe not.

Worked my arse off at the library today. I found it so easy to concentrate I'm getting up early tomorrow, and head off there again first thing. Only problem is my knee's a lot more sore than I thought it would be, and cycling was a lot more painful than expected. I'll have to see how it goes tomorrow. Oh, and no comedy night.. they're refurbishing the pub until after I'm gone. Rubbish!

Funny, I can't seem to construct any sort of coherent argument when my whole head is filled with snot, and my eyes burn like mad. Gmbrl. Did sod all today.

I've been ill so much more often than usual these last few months, how annoying is that? And I was supposed to rewrite the structure of my dissertation today. But I didn't. Instead I've written down a lists of claims which still lack secondary material to back them up, so it's library day tomorrow. On my fietsje, (woo!) and after I might just go into town for a bit and get Anouk that Doctor Who poster I promised her. It'll be nice to be out of the house for a bit anyway.

Checklist.

- All braced up. CHECK.

- Dissertation on schedule - semi-CHECK. Wanted to have completed a draught version of all three chapters plus intro, and it looks like I'll have one intro and one chapter completed. I've got just over two weeks left, so not too bad considering.

- Flight details and transport for tomorrow. CHECK.

- Packed. Nothing to pack, CHECK.

Everything feels strange at the moment. I want time to go slowly, just as much as I'd like it to go quickly.

Scientists, slice-eager surgeons, body-snatchers, it's all there. Bless Thomas Hardy for giving me this quote to use "Miss Melbury’s view of the doctor as a merciless, unwavering, irresistible scientist, was not quite in accordance with fact"

Also, it appears that the heavens have opened. Dear oh dear. I for one am not in favour of an irrestistably sunny summer, but we can't have this, there's Lowlands to consider. We were so lucky with the weather last year, plus Glasto this year, that I'm a bit anxious about it all. Only just over a week left though, weehoo!

Helle's cooking me dinner tonight so I can finally see her halls!

Finished The Woodlanders, and I only started reading on Friday night. Thomas Hardy might just be my favourite author ever. I've only read Woodlanders, Tess, Jude and The Mayor, but they've all been absolutely amazing. I guess it's because of the late Victorian naughtiness and extremity that a lot of my usual mid-Victorian novels lack. I have to be careful in weaving it into the story of my other doctors, because 1887 is past of a significantly different period than Trollope, Eliot, Braddon and Dickens. Dr. Fitzpiers though, and the whole man trap thing, wow. I wish I had Roes to here to indulge in the usual excitement about Victorian masculinity. Oww I do love my degree.. One month left.

No news about opa yet.

Perhaps not. I feel like I deserve doing nothing and feeling sorry for myself. Alas, I can't, no time. That's why I'm pretty chuffed with myself for having written a 1000 words anyway, this time on rowdy medical students. It might all be a bit rubbish but it feels great finally having a large amount of text on paper. As long as I've got a draught product, I can always make it into something pretty in the end. Editing is my joy, oh yesh.

Head/throat ache is getting fairly annoying though. I'm just going to try and stay in as much as possible though, so that it'll be over when mum gets here. On the other hand, I haven't touched my bike for a fortnight and I'm sitting in this room every single day, writing boring LJ entries on my dissertation.

Ah well.

I need to tidy my room as well, it's a bloody disgrace.

I've been skimming nineteenth century volumes of medical journal 'The Lancet' all day, and I've found some truly entertaining material for my essay. Some of it's bitching between physicians and surgeons, some concerns about rowdy medical students but most of it is medical men complaining about non-paying customers. I could do this for days on end, as opposed to all the secondary reading I still need to get through, aagh.

Right, family rant, excusez-moi. Just got a bit tearful with my dad on skype, because they never seem to be bothered to get in touch with me, it's always me getting in touch with them. He then explained that's it's all to do with my mum not wanting to bother me like my gran did her. My mum's mum had, and still has, a habit of continually forcing my mum to get in touch with her, and therefore my mum's trying the exact opposite with me, also telling my dad that if I want to get in touch with them, I will. All a bit hurtful though, especially when it's just me on my own in the house, and whenever I do try to get in touch with them my mum's off to a meeting and my dad's mind is with his articles rather than with me.

So many lovely things to come though, woo! First there's Glasto shopping, then there's seeing The Edge of Love (Cilian Murphy, 40s ladies haircuts: win win!) with Helle tomorrow night, then there's Nottingham and then there's Bristol and Glasto! Oh YESH.

http://blogs.guardian.co.uk/sport/2008/05/26/who_should_we_back_for_euro_20.html

Rrright, on to those doctors now.

..maybe the fact that this these torn ligaments might have been the best thing that ever happened to my MA? IT should have been really, because I've got sod all to do all day, but I've just been caught up in Dickens. I've got my essay all planned out and I've been rereading Great Expectations in detail to be able to write my essay from my notes either sooner or later. Will be doing the same for David Copperfield as of today, but I really should start working on my thesis a bit more. The library books I brought over with me can hardly be called appealing though; they're all to do with Victorians and their professions.

Also, what I should be doing is taking advantage of the situation and not eat anything but my mum's lovely meals and the amazing Gouda bread I've missed so much, and make sure I don't gain too much weight sitting on my arse all day. How then, can getting up for random snacking still be appealing when getting up it iself feels like someone's applying a bank screw to my leg?! Grumble.

Alice came home after all yesterday, and though she was at work yesterday night, it's so much better knowing you won't spend the night alone in a the house; especially when the police have been throwing leaflets in your letterbox announcing that half the houses in neighbourhood have been broken into already.

So yesterday I drank wine, watched some of my Wives and Daughters dvd (Keeley Hawes should never have accepted the lead in Ashes to Ashes, it's not only over the top and feeble, it seems to wipe out all the amazing stuff she's done before that!) and Qi and then decided to curl up in bed with David (Copperfield). Early night was a great idea, because I got up this morning feeling all refreshed.

Therefore, I've returned to my dissertation reading, and it's all been very enjoyable so far. If I'm to believe Jeanne Peterson, general practitioners in mid-Victorian England could hardly earn their living, and often had to invest a fortune to gain the respectable position that could keep their practice going; women of a higher social standing couldn't possibly have faith in a doctor who did not even posess his own coach. Now I just have to devise an interesting leap to the popular image of the amorous village physician and I'm sorted for my first chapter.